To My Father, Guy or Mr Self
by CassidysPersona
Summary: ONE SHOT - Zosia writes her father a letter, as she is unable to contain how she feels anymore. Will this letter bring them back together as a family or destroy them further?


_Dear Dad, Guy or Mr Self whatever I should call you,_

_The only way I can tell you how I feel without wanting to shout and scream at you is by writing a letter. For this past year I have been so angry, upset all in one at you; I don't know how to deal with these situations I've always been able to have you or someone explain to me how to feel. Last year when you told me that mama had died I didn't know what to do, because if I had known maybe I could've delt with it! I know it's all my fault, sometimes I think you, Colette and everyone would be better off without me all I do is cause pain to everyone especially to you. I hate you for what happened I feel even though mama made you keep quiet you still should've told me. She was my mum, I loved her so much and you allowed me to come home on her birthday break down and stress about exams when mama was ill! I should've come home and been there for her because as my father you should've done what was right. The day I found out I got so drunk I woke up in an A&amp;E with stitches on my head and terrible hangover, I had lost my mother and you were busy drowning your sorrows in a bottle of whisky - eight months straight! Do you know how I felt?! Thinking I was about to lose you! I looked up to you, thinking back you weren't the best role model but you are my dad! And you buried your head in a bottle, what am I supposed to do? I want to trust you, but you always ruin it I thought after Beth we might have turned a corner but it went back to when I was little trying to talk and you being too busy to listen and for your ignorance I'm on probation, I'm nearly losing my career and it's all because you couldn't be man enough to tell me even though you probably knew it was the right thing to do! _

_Remember when I was little and I went mute? I refused to talk as I was scared, mama was ill you were always stressed and shouted at me all the time. So I went mute, though I can't do that now one I need to talk, two you'd call me childish and three I can't really describe to patients for them to tell me. I don't know what to do I want you to tell me! Be my dad, I don't know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to leave this place and never come back. I miss mama and I want to get close to you each time I do it messes up and I can't trust you! Colette thinks I'm a spoilt brat and you do too, but I don't know what else to do. I kick off it's my defence, whenever anything happened with mama I always acted childish it's what I've always known to do as someone always came and hugged me, told me it would be OK. Now people hate me, I use people - Arthur's so nice and I use him, why dad is grief making me like this?! It's been one year I should be over it surely?! I don't know what to do anymore, as I write this I feel the tears rolling off my cheeks and I watch as they fall onto the paper; I'm sorry. I'm not weak, I just want someone to tell me everything will be OK even when I know it wont. Your hugs used to make everything better, mama's words made me stronger, I've lost my mama, I __don't want my father to die too. I may make you think that I think you're a monster but I like I said before I don't think that. You're my dad and I...deep down, love you. Please don't leave me either, I'm not ready to lose another parent. _

_To Dad, Guy or Mr Self _

_From Zosia - your daughter._

Zosia shakily put the pen down and dried her eyes that were stinging from unshed tears, before thinking about putting it in the envelope. A while after she decided and folded the letter up, put it in the envelope and wrote on the back _Dad _before walking out of the Keller staff room bumping into Colette, "So that's where you've been hiding," Colette said and Zosia said nothing but held the envelope in front of her, "Am I supposed to know divination?" Colette asked.

"Please can you make sure this goes to dad?" Zosia asked with a choke in her voice, "It's important."

"Then why don't you give it too him?" Colette asked and Zosia looked at her pleading, "Alright," Colette took the letter and Zosia smiled a thanks, "Are you OK?"

"It's important," Zosia then walked away not sure whether she had done the right thing.

...

Colette walked into her office she shared with Guy and saw him at his desk laughing with Jesse, "Zosia told me to give this to you, apparently it's important," Colette said and Guy took the envelope looking at it, "She hasn't told me what it's about."

Guy ripped the top open and pulled out the lined papered letter, before opening it up, "Jesse, Colette give me a bit please."

"Sure you're be OK?" Jesse asked and Guy nodded, "Keller will need someone, Col you coming?" Jesse asked and Colette then headed to the door Jesse shortly following. Once it was quiet he read the letter, his eyes moving sideways as he deeply read every line.

...

Zosia sat in the staffroom running her thumb up and down the mug she had tea in, "Pub or club tonight?" Dom asked and Zosia jumped, "Are you OK?" Dom asked and Zosia shook her head, "What's happened?"

"I just wrote a letter to my father, explaining how I feel. Arthur's suggestion."

"Well that's good isn't it?" Dom asked and Zosia shrugged her shoulders, "You're telling him how you feel."

"I've done the wrong thing," Zosia whispered and she leant her head on the table, "I don't want to be here Dom," Zosia cried and Dom sat on the other chair next to her, "I feel so drained."

"Zosh you're just stressed," Dom said calmly and Zosia covered her face with her hands and cried, "You'll be fine...look we can go out toni-"

"I just want to go home," Zosia said and she stood up to leave the staffroom, "Goodnight Dom."

...

Guy walked out of his office hoping to catch his daughter before she left the hospital, Guy saw her walking out of the entrance and he ran down the stairs nearly bumping into a porter and then out the entrance, "Zosia!" Guy shouted and Zosia stopped in her tracks, "Don't run away...I got your letter," he managed to catch up with her and Zosia stood still arms folded, "Zosia I want to be your father, but you are not letting me," Guy said and Zosia huffed but then looked down at the ground, "Zoshie I wish I could tell you everything will be OK but I can't, I'm not like your mother. She had a way of making every problem seem so much smaller, I've never been able to do that, I can tell you the unvarnished truth but having someone hold you and lie to you is something I learnt the hard way is the wrong way to go. I hurt you by lying, but I done it out of protection Zosia-"

"I don't need protecting, I was told at a young age that mama was ill, she might not come back. Just because I was in college didn't mean you couldn't of have told me!" Zosia shouted and she covered her face to hide tears, "I wrote you the letter, because everytime we talk it ends in arguements. I needed to get it out there," Zosia sighed and dried her eyes, "I don't know what to do."

"Let me be your father," Guy said and Zosia shook her head unsure whether to trust him, "Please Zosia...you said you want me to be a dad. Zosia. Please."

Zosia nodded before crying again, she had been doing a lot of that lately. She was beginning to feel the affects of not having her mother more than ever, especially with all the trouble that was going on with her career; Guy stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, "I'm sorry," Zosia cried and Guy hugged her tight, "I'm messing everything up, I don't know what's wrong with me," Zosia breathed out and sighed, "I wish she was here."

"I do too," Guy said and Zosia sighed heavily, "Right," he pulled away and Zosia dried her eyes again, "Do you have anyone at home?" Guy asked and Zosia nodded, "Arthur?"

"It's his day off...I'm sorry."

"What you did, was very brave and strong," Guy told his daughter and Zosia nodded still sniffling, "Let me take you home."

"Will you...I mean, will you stay for a bit...please?" Zosia asked and Guy smiled and nodded, "Thank you."

"I can get to know Doctor Digby better," Guy said and Zosia glared at him, "You're sleeping with him, I'd like to know he's is as he seems."

Jesse and Colette were stood by the window, slightly confused, "That's going to last long," Colette said unhopefully and Jesse frowned, "Have you got all night?"

"Drink then?" Jesse asked and Colette nodded, Jesse then linked his arm around Colette's and they made their way to the exit, "Do I want to know?"

"It'll stop you saying the wrong thing," Colette answered and Jesse nodded, "As I know what you're like."

"Then you can buy first round," Jesse said.

**A/N: What I want to happen Guy and Zosia reconnect, just a short one shot; I've been ill so I had all day really ha anyway reviews are welcome x I apologise it's rubbish I've been ill so :( xx**


End file.
